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Guide to Working with Military-Connected Children and Youth

Parental Absences

young military family with baby
Military members do not have control over most of their periods of separation from their family; they are a condition of service in the military. The frequent absences of a military member are often unpredictable and open to change, and this uncertainty can have a profound impact on families. Frequent or extended time away can affect the health and well-being of every person in the military family, including children.

Factors affecting children and youth deployment stress

  • age and emotional development, including ability to express feelings and cope with separation
  • previous experience with parental absence/deployment
  • sense of security in family and community relationships
  • level of attachment to absent parent, how much time they spend together
  • attitude of member toward assignment
  • level of contact / interest / closeness with child during absence
  • attitude toward member’s absence
  • coping ability and well-being
  • emotional support offered (i.e. attention, ability to listen, willingness to play, time to be together)
  • previous family separation experience 
  • efforts made to prepare child for absence, give information, and involve child in preparations 
  • couple stability and family harmony
  • consistency of routines and rules
  • length of absence
  • nature of mission (dangerous or not)
  • geographical distance and ease of communication
  • preparation time given to family
  • Individual child
    • age and emotional development, including ability to express feelings and cope with separation
    • previous experience with parental absence/deployment
    • sense of security in family and community relationships
    • level of attachment to absent parent, how much time they spend together
  • Deployed member
    • attitude of member toward assignment
    • level of contact / interest / closeness with child during absence
  • Remaining parent
    • attitude toward member’s absence
    • coping ability and well-being
    • emotional support offered (i.e. attention, ability to listen, willingness to play, time to be together)
  • Family
    • previous family separation experience 
    • efforts made to prepare child for absence, give information, and involve child in preparations 
    • couple stability and family harmony
    • consistency of routines and rules
  • Situation
    • length of absence
    • nature of mission (dangerous or not)
    • geographical distance and ease of communication
    • preparation time given to family

Emotional cycle of deployment 

No two people — even within the same family — will react to a parent’s deployment in exactly the same way. However, there is almost always some reaction to the absence of their parent. This is normal. Understanding the different phases in the emotional cycle of deployment can help you to best support them through what can be a difficult time.

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