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Common reactions in children

The table below outlines some common reactions children may have after deployment based on age and some ideas that can help children cope with their emotions and reestablish family connections during a reintegration.

Age	Reaction	Tips
0-12 months	Cries, fusses Pulls away/doesn't recognize the returning parent Clings to the other parent or caregiver Eating and sleeping habits change • May have bowel/ bladder problems	Reconnect by proving physical care, such as holding and feeding your baby Be patient
1-3 years	Cries for no apparent reason May not recognize the returning parent and prefers the other parent or caregiver Is shy and hesitant with the returning parent Regresses (returns to old behaviors, for example: if toilet-trained, may begin having accidents)	Give your child space and time to warm up Sit and play at their level (play on the floor with them) Be gentle and fun; speak with a soft voice
3-5 years	Demonstrates anger Acts out to get attention Is demanding and whiney Feels guilty that they "made Mom or Dad go away" Talks nonstop to the returning parent to let them know what's going on	Listen to your child without criticism Accept your child's thoughts and feelings Play games with your child that he/she chooses Find out about the new things in your child's life (friends, books, a TV show, a new sport, etc.)
5-12 years	Is angry about the returning parent being gone Worries about the returning parent disciplining them Acts out to seek the returning parent's attention Wants to tell the returning parent everything they did while they were gone	Praise your child's accomplishments since you've been gone Let your child show you his/her school work, pictures or scrapbooks Be positive; try not to criticize past negative behaviors Get involved in your child's education and activities
12-18 years	Acts like they don't care even though they may be excited Worries about change in rules Concerned they have not lived up to the returning parent's standards Angry	Share age-appropriate, positive deployment experiences, such as stories about the country and culture where you were stationed Listen to your child's stories with undivided attention Be positive; try not to criticize or be judgmental of new interests and friends Respect your child's privacy Get involved in your child's education and activities

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