Emotional cycle of deployment
Families find understanding and reassurance in this model and the suggested coping strategies, with the knowledge that many others share similar responses to this challenging experience.
Short-term deployments or separations that are more frequent and less predictable in nature can be just as disruptive and demanding on the family. Constant and continuous periods of separation and reunion may be more difficult to manage given the short periods required to readjust from one absence to the next.
Many families who experience frequent short-term separations and reunions experience an ongoing sense of emotional disorganization challenging their ability to act and react.
The challenge for families during these types of deployments or separations is that they have to constantly adjust and move through the stages at a much more rapid pace without the benefit of time to adjust emotionally. Regardless of the type of deployment, there are common reactions and general coping strategies that can help families deal with the absence of a loved one. The following tables compile the shared experiences of spouses, children and parents during the three phases (pre-, during, and post-deployment). As well, workshops on the cycle of deployment are often offered at Military Family Resource Centres.
Pre-Deployment
Anticipation of Loss: 1-6 weeks prior to departure
Provides a means to put some emotional distance between each other in preparation for living apart
Common Reactions
- Fluctuations in energy levels and mood
- Fantasizing
- Feelings of sadness, anger, excitement, restlessness
- Anxiety, tension, frustration, resentment, depression
General Coping Strategies
- Feel and express all emotional responses
- Encourage all family members to share their feelings
- Involve the whole family in preparing for the separation
- Complete the Pre-Deployment Checklist
- Participate in pre-deployment briefings and activities at the local Military Family Resource Centre and MFS OUTCAN
- Create opportunities for warm, lasting memories such as taking pictures
- Set realistic goals for the deployment period
Detachment and Withdrawal: Final week before departure
May be the most difficult stage in many ways
Common Reactions
- Reduced emotional and sexual intimacy
- Feelings of despair, hopelessness, impatience, numbness
General Coping Strategies
- Accept feelings as normal reactions to challenging circumstances
- Communicate as openly and as honestly as possible
- Be patient
- Keep the last day for family time
- Ignore rumours and rely on official sources of information
Deployment
Emotional Disorganization: First 6 weeks of deployment
Often described as a period of restlessness
Actual deployment, no matter how prepared families are, still comes as a shock. For the loved one at home, an initial sense of relief from the tension of preparing for deployment is followed by a feeling of being overwhelmed. The CAF member may feel lonely and frustrated at being far away from day to day living. This can be a time to gather strength for the changes to come.
Common Reactions
Magical thinking— believing the impossible or unlikely
Sleep and appetite disturbances
Feelings of relief, guilt, anger, numbness, depression
Confusion, disorganization, indecision, loneliness
Vulnerability, irritability
General Coping Strategies
Communicate—keep in touch about everyday events and share feelings to maintain the emotional bond
End phone calls on a positive note
Help children to express their feelings and to stay in touch with letters, pictures, cards, audio/ video cassettes
Maintain a healthy lifestyle—eat nutritiously, exercise regularly, drink plenty of water and get an adequate amount of sleep
Recovery and Stabilization: Variable duration (6 to 12 weeks)
Adjustment to new family patterns and routines, and reorganization of roles and responsibilities
Common Reactions
- Feelings of increased confidence, independence, competence, freedom, pride, isolation, anxiety, depression
General Coping Strategies
Enjoy new skills, freedom, independence
Celebrate signs of positive growth in self and other family members
Offer empathy and support to others
Maintain regular contact through phone calls, letters, email
Confide in trusted peers
Seek professional counselling if feelings of depression/anxiety are threatening to overwhelm
Anticipation of Homecoming: 6 weeks prior to return
A time of intense apprehension and conflicting emotions
Common Reactions
Increased energy and activity
Sleep and appetite disturbances
Feelings of joy, excitement, anxiety, apprehension, restlessness, impatience
General Coping Strategies
- Share feelings of apprehension, as well as excitement and joy
- Share expectations and desires for the homecoming
- Share feelings of love and commitment
- Include children in planning for the homecoming celebrations
- Participate in preparation for reunion activities
- Ignore rumours and rely on official sources of information concerning return date, time and location
Post-Deployment
Renegotiation of Relationships: First 6 weeks home
A necessary time to refocus the relationship
Common Reactions
Difficulty re-establishing emotional and sexual intimacy
Feelings of excitement, disorganization, resentment, frustration
Grieving loss of freedom and independence
General Coping Strategies
Communicate as openly and honestly as possible
Accept feelings as normal and not a threat to the relationship • Be patient
Renegotiate household roles and responsibilities to share the workload
Celebrate together the personal growth each has achieved
Continue to participate in a support group/ network
Seek professional counselling, contact a doctor, chaplain or social worker for assistance in coping with stress
Both partners should be aware of the signs of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and formerly deployed partner should be encouraged to seek professional help as appropriate
Reintegration and Stabilization: 6 to 12 weeks after return
New routines become stabilized
Common Reactions
- Feelings of intimacy, closeness, confidence in relationship
General Coping Strategies
Remember to follow through on promises made during deployment
Spend time relaxing and enjoying time together as a family
Share lessons learned with other families
Identify what worked well in the planning and what could be improved for the next deployment
