My husband and I had always expected to grow old together, but our dream was shattered in just one day, the day he came home to tell me that he was sick, so sick that he only had 3 months to live. Even though I knew his time was going to be very short, I was still not prepared for what life would be like without him.
I lived in a fog!
I had a very difficult time processing information. Though from the outside I looked normal and was able to interact with people, on the inside I lived with disbelieve and denial.
I do not really remember if I had agreed on having a HOPE peer phone me, but I was so glad when they did. I was able to talk to someone who knew exactly how I was feeling and who was able to share with me strategies on how to cope. My HOPE peer let me “let my guard down”, as I was always very careful sharing how I felt with my family, feeling that I had to be strong, that they needed me to lean on.
My HOPE peer was incredible, walking through the grief period with me, letting me know that how I was acting or feeling was normal for someone grieving.
My HOPE peer was able to show me that I had the strength to continue my life, and I could make it through my grief as she had too. She help me modify my way of thinking, helping me change my thoughts into positive thoughts and to learn to look forward to the future. She taught me that I had the control and power to change my thoughts.
I know I am not the same person today as I was before my husband died. I have changed. I have had to learn how to adjust to my new life without my husband.
When I became strong enough, my HOPE peer asked if I was interested in becoming a part of the HOPE program and helping others like she did for me. I had agreed to take the training and would decide afterwards if I really was ready to be part of the HOPE program.
During this training, I realized that there were many others who had experienced losing a loved one and had learned how much the HOPE program had helped them through their grief too.
It is a privilege to have the opportunity to support others through this program, being able to walk beside them during their grieving as my HOPE peer had once done with me.
Christina Walker – Wife of Colonel Carl Walker
