Let Go and Accept
By Andrea Liss
Looking for a little advice about your relationship? Perhaps you have questions about parenting? Ask Andrea! Our social worker, Andrea Liss will pick one question a month and answer it in our newsletter. You can submit your questions anonymously to her at https://forms.office.com/r/F3rxQKvTdQ
I think I’ve had a bit of a slow start to the new year this year. While I no longer am writing the year 2025 in letters and birthday cards, I’m also not quite feeling I’ve jumped into 2026. But mostly, I haven’t really committed to any self-development plans and for some reason this year, I feel remiss about that. Some ideas for self-improvement have been swirling around in my head, but nothing much is sticking. Yet anyway! Assuming I’m not the only one in this position, I thought I’d share some ideas from a New Year’s talk I participated in.
In January, I attended a two-hour meditation workshop entitled “Three Questions for a New Year.” Here are the questions and some material for you to ponder. If you like what you read let me know.
Let’s begin. Here are the Three Questions for a New Year:
- What do I want to let go of?
- What do I want to cultivate in myself?
- What do I want to accept?
Here are some thoughts on # 1- the notion of letting go. None of these ideas are mine. They are all ideas that I have been taught. I hope you find this helpful.
What does letting go look and feel like?
Letting go is the conscious and willing mind-action we do to help ourselves stop holding on to something that troubles us. There are reasons why we hold on to ideas. We all know the mind’s trick of playing and replaying painful interactions or events in our lives. We drive ourselves crazy and others can tire of us. Often, it’s in conversation with others close to us that we’ll really notice we are hanging on to something. Our nearest and dearest can flag this to us by telling us that we need to let go and move on. They have heard our fixation for a bit too long and are trying to help us snap out of it. Rumination can often be a sign that the act of letting go is needed.
Holding on to mistakes made, regrets, and unskilled actions by others or ourselves is our misguided attempt to reduce our suffering. We believe that replaying this type of unpleasantness will help us somehow. We may fantasize about other alternatives than the one which unfolded. Focusing on hurts and disappointments leads to thoughts such as “If only I had done differently. I wish this had not happened. If only my enemy had not got the better of me.” The target of what we are hanging onto mentally pains us because the outcome cannot be reversed. Unfortunately, by churning over the situation in our minds, this in fact creates unhappiness. Clinging and grasping are generally considered the causes of mental anguish. The mind can be greedy for answers, certainty, and clarity.
Clinging and grasping are the opposite of letting go. Letting go does not feel good, but it feels wise or mature. Reviewing unwanted outcomes is the mind’s mental habit of having trouble accepting reality as it is. John Lennon’s famous song makes a lot of sense, “Let it be.”
How to Let Go
Letting go involves simply and firmly saying to ourselves “I have done what I could, what was done was done. And I must turn my mind to right here, right now”. Wisdom can be hard this way. This type of mental firmness with ourselves is hard. It requires practice. Thankfully, there are many many opportunities each day where we can cultivate our capacity to let go. Missing the bus, a child’s tantrum, impatience, feeling the need to correct someone- the possibilities for small practices are plenty. We can get better at letting go by being aware that the same set of skills are required to let go of even the biggest pain points.
Not letting go is our attempt to skirt reality. Meanwhile, being in life as it is, regardless of the pain, is what grounds us. Only when we are grounded and back in reality are we in the right space to grow. Growing is the prize that comes from learning to let go.
It’s Not Too Late for New Year’s Resolutions!
Yes, yes, I know it’s already March, but I invite you to consider the Three Questions for a New Year. Maybe you’ve got something to let go of, maybe you want to cultivate a new skill or talent, or maybe there is something that you need to come to accept. Whatever you choose, it’s not too late; it’s never too late for a New Year’s resolution!
Andrea holds a master’s degree in Social Work and is a Registered Social Worker (Ontario) with over 20 years of experience. She is the MFS OUTCAN Rest of World Social Worker, supporting CAF families navigating life abroad. If you’re a CAF family member and would like to connect with Andrea one‑on‑one or join the OUTCAN spousal support group she facilitates, you’re welcome to reach out by email at liss.andrea@cfmws.com.
Support is also available in your OUTCAN area. If you or your family would benefit from speaking with a social worker during your OUTCAN posting, we encourage you to contact your regional CFMWS Social Worker:
USA: Marion Hall — hall.marion@cfmws.com
Europe: MFSSocialwork@cfmws.com
Global / Rest of World: Andrea Liss — liss.andrea@cfmws.com
You don’t have to navigate this experience alone — support is here for you.
