Family Myths and How to Navigate Holiday Gatherings
Looking for a little advice about your relationship? Perhaps you have questions about parenting? Ask Andrea! Our social worker, Andrea Liss will pick one question a month and answer it in our mid-month bulletin. You can submit your questions anonymously to her at https://forms.office.com/r/F3rxQKvTdQ
Hosting family at your OUTCAN home or flying back to Canada this Christmas? Excited yet dreading it? Many of us feel pressure from family “shoulds”—oversimplified myths about how families work. Here are six to rethink:
Myth 1: You should like your family
Ideally, you’d like and love everyone—but that’s unrealistic. People differ, and compatibility matters. You won’t like everyone, nor will everyone like you.
Myth 2: You should love your family
Honouring parents is wise—unless abuse occurred. In such cases, you’re not obligated to love them. Seek support from a trauma-informed therapist if needed.
Myth 3: You should spend most of your time with family
Taking breaks isn’t rejection. Visiting family can trigger old roles that no longer fit. Protect your energy, set boundaries, and prioritize your well-being.
Myth 4: What happens in the family stays in the family
This myth hides harmful behaviors like violence or substance abuse. If something feels wrong, consider the cost of ignoring your values.
Myth 5: Writing a letter will help them change
Letters can be misread or shared. Unless it’s a love note or holiday card, skip it—you can’t control how your words land.
Myth 6: Telling someone how you feel will fix their problem
Talking isn’t always the answer. Change your own behavior instead—often that sparks more change than words.
Remember- you do get to choose how you allow your family to impact you and how you show up. This can often determine the outcome of the time you share together over the holidays. Set boundaries, protect your peace, and be open to creating new traditions that encourage a safe and positive experience.
If you would like to pose a question for the Ask Andrea column, please send your anonymous question to https://forms.office.com/r/F3rxQKvTdQ and Andrea will do her best to share some of her ideas.
Andrea has a master’s degree in Social Work and is a Registered Social Worker (Ontario) with over 20 years of experience. Andrea is your MFS OUTCAN Rest of World Social Worker. If you are a CAF family member and would to speak with her or join the spousal support group for all OUTCAN spouses that she runs please email her at liss.andrea@cfmws.com.
