Family Member and Friends

Operational Stress Injury information for Family Members

Supporting someone with an Operational Stress Injury (OSI) can have an impact on the entire family. OSI effects can vary in severity and can rapidly change. The effects can be difficult to manage and often there is no warning. But everyone changes over their lifetime and so does the OSI. At some point, with support, tools and strategies, you and your loved one can find a positive and healthy new normal. Your OSISS Coordinator can help you learn and develop some of these strategies.
  
Just as there are many types of OSIs, there are many symptoms associated with them. A few behaviors you may see in your loved one include: 

• Isolation and withdrawal
• Excessive alcohol or substance use
• Scanning rooms and buildings (hypervigilance)
• Persistent irritability and being quick to anger
• Poor hygiene
• Sleep problems (i.e. nightmares, not sleeping at night, unable to sleep in bed, or sleeping a lot)
• Memory issues
• Changes with intimacy

Managing the symptoms can cause the family to feel disconnected from extended family and friends. This can make the family feel isolated and alone.
  
 Over time, the family members may begin to experience some of the OSI symptoms such as anxiety and numbing. The family may avoid participating in activities that were previously enjoyed.  

“I thought that PTSD was something that would come along immediately upon return from being away. What I didn’t expect was the time that went by and the small changes that slowly built up. He didn’t see that the family was tiptoeing around the house for years before it started to fall apart. We had no idea what was going on and by that time, I had cancelled so many plans with friends that they weren’t calling anymore. I didn’t know how to explain it, so I kept it to myself." 

- OSISS Family Peer

Supporting someone who has an OSI

Supporting someone who has an OSI can be difficult. You may feel guilt, frustration or anger because you cannot help their physical or mental health concerns. Their avoidance becomes yours, and you adapt to their behaviours, moods and routines. This may negatively impact your family’s quality of life. Over time, the change in family dynamics can have a significant impact in families of those with an OSI. It can manifest as compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, substance abuse, anger, depression or isolation. 

“The last few months have been very difficult, and I have been feeling very isolated and alone. The chance to connect with people who understand what I am going through has given me strength to keep going and fighting for my husband and our marriage.”

- OSISS Family Peer

The great news is relationships with someone who has an OSI can be healthy, supportive and a source to help us grow!

Some things to ask yourself

• Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells trying not to upset anyone?   
• Do you feel like your family member is different than they used to be?   
• Do you feel emotionally or physically drained?  
• Do you feel no one will understand your life?  

Reaching out to OSISS can help you:

• Understand Operational Stress Injuries  
• Learn how to support your loved one  
• Learn about setting healthy boundaries  
• Support and encourage your own wellness and self-care   
• Help you get connected to other resources and supports 

Coping Tips and Strategies

Things may be different, but that’s okay. Here are some strategies and things to remember to help you move forward in supporting not only your family, but yourself.

Prioritizing Communication

This may be the most important tool in supporting your loved one living with an OSI. Sometimes the symptoms of OSI can present very legitimate barriers to communication. Try to learn what those barriers may be and seek out resources to help with communication skills (there are many!) 

And remember, a large component of good communication is being available to listen. 

“It has been a good, no, fantastic thing for me because I felt very alone in my struggles with my partner.  It has given me a different, positive outlook.  Self-care and support!” 

-OSISS Family Peer

Understanding Compassion Fatigue

One of the biggest focuses for family peer support with OSISS is understanding and avoiding compassion fatigue. When a loved one is ill, caregivers will often take on more than their share of responsibility and continue to do so after the critical point has already passed.  

“When I was first told that the changes in my family may be permanent, I didn’t know that I would need to grieve the loss to move forward!”

- OSISS Family Peer

Many caregivers will put their own needs at the bottom of the list or feel guilty for prioritizing their own wellbeing. This can lead to exhaustion and avoidance. Raising awareness that these feelings are normal and can be managed is important.   
  
It can often be difficult to recognize the signs and symptoms of compassion fatigue within us. Connecting with others who share the same difficulties can be life changing and empowering. Linking with someone that you trust can be the first step in realizing that you may need support.

The importance of self-care

It’s impossible to wipe someone else’s tears without getting your own hands wet. Although it is difficult to find the time or the energy to take care of ourselves, it is a necessity, especially when we are supporting someone with a mental health injury. The reality is, without taking care of ourselves, we might very well begin to feel mental and physical impacts over time which could leave us too depleted to be much support to anyone. Whatever you’re feeling is understandable in relation to living with OSI. Connecting with other family members supporting those with an OSI can offer a place to speak freely about anger, frustration and feelings of guilt.  

Managing Expectations (Yours and Others’)

Take some time to ask yourself whether your expectations are realistic…for your loved one and for yourself. Do you need to re-assess? What expectations do you have in relation to how certain events will play out, such as: Public outings? Family gatherings? Share these with your loved one.

As with many mental health challenges, the effects of OSI can be life altering. It’s important to understand that some of these changes can become permanent and setting realistic goals for healing is important to avoid disappointment and resentment.