Whether it’s the first, fifth or fifteenth year since your loss, anniversary reactions can be strong since your life was permanently altered on that day. There’s no shame in acknowledging it.
The main thing required is a plan. Some people faithfully mark the anniversary of their loved one’s deaths with festivities, not only to pay respects, but also to celebrate their life. While there’s no one-size-fits-all prescription for deathiversaries, the following list will offer ideas to bring you peace during these occasions.
- Take flowers to their final resting place, or any other place you go to remember your loved one.
- Some people dedicate an inscribed bench in their favourite spot or in a local park.
- If the person you are remembering loved live theatre, music or comedy, make a donation to have a theater seat in their name. Inquire at your local theatre.
- Turn digital photos into a photo album; a local photo finishing shop can help.
- Buy a memorial pendant (or other jewellery) to hold some of your loved one’s ashes. An engraved locket is also a beautiful way to hold someone close to your heart, always. Inquire at your local funeral home or find artisans online.
- Donate a few of your loved one's belongings to a shelter or other charity.
- Make a charitable donation in their name to a cause close to your loved one’s heart.
- Host a potluck gathering. Plan your loved one's favourite foods and ask people to bring a dish your loved one enjoyed. Play your loved one’s favourite music. Celebrate their lives and accomplishments surrounded by their favourite things.
- Begin a new tradition, during religious or non-religious festivals, by including their favourite dish as part of the celebration; a personalized ornament; a CD of their favourite music; adding their favourite colour to festive lights; incorporating their favourite beverage as part of the meal.
- Visit a place where you feel close to your loved one, a leisurely walk to a favourite place.
- Take the trip you had been dreaming about or visit a place your loved one enjoyed.
- Indulge in self-care and treat yourself to a massage, manicure, pedicure or a complete spa experience.
- Get together with loving friends, visit an art gallery, go to the movies or take a short drive to serene countryside.
- Attempt an activity you’ve always wanted to try.
- Prepare one of your loved one’s favourite dishes or snacks and curl up to watch their favorite movie.
- Make a music CD or playlist with a mixture of your loved one’s favourite tunes.
- Do something your loved one would have enjoyed.
- Plant a tree or shrub in your loved one’s name.
- Establish a scholarship/bursary in their name; their memory will live on by helping others.
- Create an online memorial: invite friends and family to share photos and stories. Your own annual tribute can be as simple as using their picture as your Facebook profile photo for 24 hours.
- Build a memorial or make a shadow box to contain portraits, personal items and objects that remind you of your loved one.
Deathiversaries can be difficult and emotional.
It’s normal to feel a broad range of emotions towards your loved one when you're moving on to new activities and relationships. If your rituals leave you feeling more hurt than healed, give yourself freedom to make adjustments. This is, after all, your own grief journey.
