Emotional cycle of deployment

daughters hugging father before deployment

The Emotional Cycle of Deployment is based on experience and research with military families who have experienced a more traditional long-term deployment.

Families find understanding and reassurance in this model and the suggested coping strategies, with the knowledge that many others share similar responses to this challenging experience.

Deployments can mean longer absences of six months to a year or short-term more frequent separations. Regardless of the type of deployment, there are common reactions and general coping strategies that can help families deal with the absence of a loved one. The following tables compile the shared experiences of spouses, children and parents during the three phases (pre-, during, and post-deployment). In addition, workshops on the cycle of deployment are often offered at Military Family Resource Centres and Military Family Services locations.

PRE-DEPLOYMENT

Anticipation of loss: One to six weeks prior to departure

Provides a means to put some emotional distance between each other in preparation for living apart.

Common reactions
- Fluctuations in energy levels and mood
- Fantasizing
- Feelings of sadness, anger, excitement, restlessness
- Anxiety, tension, frustration, resentment, depression
General coping strategies
- Feel and express all emotional responses
- Encourage all family members to share their feelings
- Involve the whole family in preparing for the separation
- Complete the Pre-Deployment Checklist
- Participate in pre-deployment briefings and activities at the local Military Family Resource Centre and MFS OUTCAN
- Create opportunities for warm, lasting memories such as taking pictures
- Set realistic goals for the deployment period

Detachment and withdrawal: Final week before departure

May be the most difficult stage in many ways

Common reactions
- Reduced emotional and sexual intimacy
- Feelings of despair, hopelessness, impatience, numbness
General coping strategies
- Accept feelings as normal reactions to challenging circumstances
- Communicate as openly and as honestly as possible
- Be patient
- Keep the last day for family time
- Ignore rumours and rely on official sources of information

DURING DEPLOYMENT

Emotional disorganization: First six weeks of deployment

Often described as a period of restlessness Actual deployment, no matter how prepared families are, still comes as a shock. For the loved one at home, an initial sense of relief from the tension of preparing for deployment is followed by a feeling of being overwhelmed. The CAF member may feel lonely and frustrated at being far away from day to day living. This can be a time to gather strength for the changes to come.

Common reactions
- Magical thinking— believing the impossible or unlikely
- Sleep and appetite disturbances
- Feelings of relief, guilt, anger, numbness, depression
- Confusion, disorganization, indecision, loneliness
- Vulnerability, irritability
General coping strategies
- Communicate—keep in touch about everyday events and share feelings to maintain the emotional bond
- End phone calls on a positive note
- Help children to express their feelings and to stay in touch with letters, pictures, cards, audio/ video cassettes
- Maintain a healthy lifestyle—eat nutritiously, exercise regularly, drink plenty of water and get an adequate amount of sleep

Recovery and stabilization: Variable duration (six to twelve weeks)

Adjustment to new family patterns and routines, and reorganization of roles and responsibilities.

Common reactions
Feelings of increased confidence, independence, competence, freedom, pride, isolation, anxiety, depression
General coping strategies
- Enjoy new skills, freedom, independence
- Celebrate signs of positive growth in self and other family members
- Offer empathy and support to others
- Maintain regular contact through phone calls, letters, email
- Confide in trusted peers
- Seek professional counselling if feelings of depression/anxiety are threatening to overwhelm

Anticipation of homecoming: Six weeks prior to return

A time of intense apprehension and conflicting emotions.

Common reactions
- Increased energy and activity
- Sleep and appetite disturbances
- Feelings of joy, excitement, anxiety, apprehension, restlessness, impatience
General coping strategies
- Share feelings of apprehension, as well as excitement and joy
- Share expectations and desires for the homecoming
- Share feelings of love and commitment
- Include children in planning for the homecoming celebrations
- Participate in preparation for reunion activities
- Ignore rumours and rely on official sources of information concerning return date, time and location

REINTEGRATION

Renegotiation of relationships: First six weeks home

A necessary time to refocus the relationship.

Common reactions
- Difficulty re-establishing emotional and sexual intimacy
- Feelings of excitement, disorganization, resentment, frustration
- Grieving loss of freedom and independence
General coping strategies
- Communicate as openly and honestly as possible
- Accept feelings as normal and not a threat to the relationship
- Be patient
- Renegotiate household roles and responsibilities to share the workload
- Celebrate together the personal growth each has achieved
- Continue to participate in a support group/ network
- Seek professional counselling, contact a doctor, chaplain or social worker for assistance in coping with stress
- Both partners should be aware of the signs of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and formerly deployed partner should be encouraged to seek professional help as appropriate

Reintegration and stabilization: Six to twelve weeks after return

New routines become stabilized.

Common reactions
Feelings of intimacy, closeness, confidence in relationship
General coping strategies
- Remember to follow through on promises made during deployment
- Spend time relaxing and enjoying time together as a family
- Share lessons learned with other families
- Identify what worked well in the planning and what could be improved for the next deployment