Returning Home

Coming Home: Navigating the Return to Canada for Canadian Military Families

Returning to Canada after living in the US as a military family is a significant transition that brings both excitement and challenges. If you're preparing to come home, it's important to plan ahead and understand the adjustments you may face. This article aims to provide guidance and support as you navigate the process of returning to Canada and reintegrating into your home country.

At first, it might seem like just another move—an easy one, moving back to Canada! But where is “home” for you? Are you going to a new location, or are you returning to a former one in Canada? Do you remember what it was like when you first moved to the US? All the preparation it took? Oh yes… how could you forget? A lot of energy was spent preparing for this posting outside of Canada. While every move requires preparation, returning home is often overlooked in terms of cultural adaptation and culture shock. While moving to the US might have been a challenge, moving back to Canada—especially after an extended time abroad—can surprisingly be daunting for some. Some authors refer to this as Reverse Culture Shock. It occurs when several substantial concerns arise that affect your psychological well-being, social readjustment, and cultural identity. When you're not expecting reentry stress, the challenges can be even more acute.

Knowing is half the battle… so be prepared for change.

Canada is a large country, diverse in its culture, language, and values. It is surely different from the US. If you recall your previous postings, you probably noticed that you had to adjust at different levels. Maybe your kids are now all grown up, or maybe they're not returning to the same location as you. Your family situation might be different now than when you first left. There are different stages in life that require adjustment, and adding a move into the mix can be demanding. So much has changed, especially during the pandemic. But also, you have changed. We must remember that home will not be as it was before we left. Coming “home” should mean being more familiar with places and people. However, people and places have changed. A funny thing is that we sometimes assume time stopped while we were in the US. This assumption goes both ways—people expect us to be the same, and they expect our relationships to remain the same. Frustrations can arise when we share our experiences. It takes time to establish new routines and feel settled.

Some common challenges include:

• Returning to full-time work, especially for spouses/partners.
• The feeling of loneliness, isolation, and loss of community. It can be challenging to reconnect with a new social network, especially since many Canadian communities in the US were tightly knit. Tons of activities were organized by your MFS provider, but it might not be the same when you return to Canada. Resources on the US base were easy to find, such as the commissary, medical services, outdoor activities, etc.
• The American culture values the military and veterans, which is evident in the recognition they receive, such as people thanking them for their service. Not to mention the various discounts we enjoyed. You may find yourself missing that in Canada.

Everyone's experience is different, but here's an idea of the rollercoaster that might await you. John and Jeanne Gullahorn (1963) developed the W-curve, which illustrates the reverse culture shock that can be experienced when reentering one's homeland. The W-curve consists of eight phases:

1. Love the new culture. This stage is filled with happiness and excitement—everything feels new and fresh.

2. Hate the new culture. This stage is marked by frustration, sadness, and feelings of alienation. It feels like torture.

3. You learn how to live again in this new setting. At this stage, you're adjusting, and it's an okay phase.

4. Great accomplishment. This stage brings understanding, and you feel like you're starting to figure things out. You'll be okay.

5. You are back home now. The food! Family! Friends! You’re loving life once more.

6. Home is not the same. Your loved ones are not the same, and culture shock hits.

7. You start to adapt. Baby steps toward recovery. You begin to feel more confident.

8. Life is good again. You have adapted to the changes, and so have your loved ones.

To help you cope with this rollercoaster, here are some tips:

• Talk about the difficulties related to transitioning back home.
• Mark the transition and get closure on your foreign experience. Say “goodbye” to US culture in order to move on. For example, visit some familiar places for the last time or check off “must-see” places on your bucket list. If you were in Colorado, visit the Garden of the Gods again, take pictures, and say goodbye to friends by organizing a farewell party. Bring some souvenirs.
• Manage your expectations. Expect disruptions in your routines and comfort levels. Be aware that things, people, and even you are not the same as when you left. You can try to imagine the new things you might need to get used to.
• Get involved in your new community. How did you get involved in the past? Was it through joining social or sports clubs? Or by getting involved with school activities with your children? Consider continuing or starting a new hobby.

Identify which coping strategies you will use to handle the transition. Here are some suggestions:

• Self-care. Eat well, exercise, and make sure to get enough sleep. Limit your alcohol consumption to moderate levels.
• Stay connected. Keep in touch with friends you made while living abroad. Make new friends, reconnect with family, and develop relationships. You can also connect with people who have had similar experiences—those who have been posted outside Canada.
• Write about your experiences and challenges. Writing can help you sort through them. Keeping a journal of your feelings and thoughts can also be beneficial.
• Manage your stress. With all the moving and adjustments, pay attention to your stress levels and plan time to relax, retreat, and have fun. Remember, it takes time to adjust—even if you’re back in Canada—and it's a temporary situation. Be kind to yourself.
• Transferring and modifying cues. One way to ease the transition is to bring familiar elements from your life in the US to your new Canadian home. This can include eating meals you enjoyed while there or displaying souvenirs and photos from your time abroad.

Special Considerations for Each Family Member: Returning to Canada can be even more difficult for your partner, kids, and teens than for the military member. Keep in mind that resources are available for all family members. Be empathetic and supportive toward your partner, maintain good and honest communication, and work through challenges together as a team—it will likely strengthen your relationship.

For smaller children, help them gain closure by visiting their favorite places and saying goodbye to friends before leaving. They can also mentally prepare for the transition by creating reentry checklists. Involve them in managing expectations and allow them to make their new home their own—perhaps by arranging their bedroom or bringing familiar items like toys, souvenirs, and pictures into their new environment.

The same strategies also apply to teenagers. Keep in mind that your kids and teens might not have the same attachment to Canada as you do. Be sensitive to their need to fit in and consider the usual stresses of teenage life. Explore how they would like to get involved in the new environment—whether through extracurricular activities, sports, or a hobby club. Also, support your teens in developing a strong sense of self-worth, as knowing their intrinsic value can help them navigate the challenges of fitting in.

Returning to Canada after living in the United States is no ordinary move for a military family. It is a significant life event that requires careful planning and adjustment. Being aware of the challenges, seeking support, and embracing the opportunities that await can help you successfully reintegrate into Canadian life and create a fulfilling next chapter for you and your family. Remember to be patient, stay connected, take good care of yourself, and approach this transition with an open mind and heart. Welcome back to Canada!

If you're going through a challenging time or need support for a family member, we encourage you to visit our Family Mental Health webpage. There, you'll find a range of helpful resources, including the MFS US Family Counsellor and the Family Information Line (FIL) at 1-800-866-4546.