| HEALTHY | STRESSED | UNHEALTHY | ABUSIVE |
| How do we communicate? | - Being on the same page about the frequency of communication.
- Trusting each other to openly discuss responsibilities, feelings, and roles including jealousy or resentment, especially during operational absences.
| - Ignoring messages or frequentlydismissing them or answering with one-word replies.
- Demanding an immediate response when it may not be possible.
| - Intentionally “ghosting” during operational absences.
- Accusing and blaming the partner for lack of responses, without cause.
| - Preventing access to digital devices like cell phones and computers to control online communication.
- Surveilling or asking others to track a partner’s online activity or whereabouts, especially during operational absences.
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How do we respect digital preferences? | - Behaving in accordance with each other’s preferences and digital communications boundaries.
- Respecting time away from devices and means of communicating if required for personal or operational reasons.
| - Arguing and not accepting digital preferences.
- Picking fights when a partner is not available online.
| - Following through on digital preferences or expectations when it is convenient.
- Bombarding partner with messages/calls when feeling anxious during time apart.
| - Deliberately going against a partner’s digital preferences as a form of control.
- Repeatedly contacting a member’s chain of command or a partner’s workplace for non-emergent reasons, or to undermine their job.
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| How do we handle time offline? | - Jointly identifying ways to stay connected during absences that are not necessarily digital, e.g., letters/mementos/pictures.
| - Sporadically making efforts to engage in the relationship when separated due to an operational absence.
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- Living as if you are not in a relationship during an operational absence, avoiding emotional connection or consideration for one’s partner.
| - Deliberately and inappropriately using deployment status as an excuse to not communicate/avoid responding to messages.
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How do we respect digital privacy? | - Having an open and continuing conversation of what each person requires and prefers regarding their digital privacy.
- Respecting the partner’s privacy and information that is stored in a digital space
| - Not checking in before posting/uploading images or stories online.
- Asking to have access to all online accounts without cause.
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- Posting/uploading information or images online that you know will cause distress to your partner.
- Reviewing or surveilling a partner’s digital footprint.
| - Sharing or posting/uploading images of a partner without their consent and using it against them.
- Accessing private accounts without permission and using information against their partner.
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| How do we handle intimacy online? | - Openly discussing preferences and boundaries around intimacy online, including for periods of operational absences.
| - Disregarding preferences for handling intimacy in digital ways.
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- Pressuring online intimacy such as images when a partner is not comfortable.
| - Threatening to or sharing intimate messages/images without consent to control actions
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