The Importance of Connection for Military Families: Meet Military Family Program Coordinator, Tammy Rayner 

Tammy Rayner is no stranger to the ups and downs of military life. She grew up in a military family, she married a military member (retired now, after 35 years of service), and she's worked with MFRCs across the country. Now, with PEI MFRC as the Military Family Program Coordinator, Tammy draws on her own experiences to assist PEI's military community.

As part of her position, Tammy assists families facing or experiencing work absences, whether that be for various short-term taskings or a longer, overseas deployment. These are all situations that Tammy has had first-hand experience with, both as a child with a parent who was often away and, later, as a spouse of military member, whose duties meant frequent relocations for their family (which include two children). 

That family military connection continues to grow, as one of Tammy's daughters is now in the military, as are a son-in-law and a brother.

And while Tammy speaks openly about the challenges of being in a military family, she's also quick to acknowledge the many benefits of her experience. She calls her time in Italy, for example, "amazing," and she also cites the friendships she's formed all over the world.

They key thing Tammy learned throughout these experiences? The importance of connection.

Connections are Crucial

Whether it's getting together for an informal BBQ or providing support during a challenging time, Tammy stresses that military families rely on their connections with others. Without a base, military families may not know many other military families. This is where Tammy comes in.

"Because we don't have a base or the same kind of facilities that other military centres have across Canada, there's a greater need for us to provide these connections," states Tammy. "If you don't have those connections with those other families who know the lingo, the acronyms, and what this life looks like—both the challenges and the rewards—it's hard to do this on your own."

This is a need that the PEI Military Family Resource Centre takes seriously.

"While we're here for our families, we also see the value of families connecting with each other."

Tammy thinks back to her own experience, having just arrived in a new city, eight months pregnant and knowing nobody. Other military families heard about her and organized a baby shower—a simple gesture to welcome her to the community and show her she had support.

"I knew no one, but that didn't matter.  We were all a family and families looked out for each other.  Military families look out for each other. I've seen that many times—both in my own life and through our families here."

Tammy notes that these connections are crucial, at any stage of a military family's journey and regardless of whether a family is experiencing a work-related absence. 

"Everything we put on here [at the PEI MFRC] is an opportunity for connection. It might seem on the surface that we're planning this fun event, but what we're really doing is providing an opportunity for our families to form those essential connections with other families."

Extending the Connection into the Community

In a place as small as PEI, another level of connection that is essential for military families is that with the greater Island community. The majority of military members in this province are reservists, which means they usually have already-established connections—whether those be from their civilian job, their children's school or activities, an established social network, or through volunteering. 

The PEI MFRC works hard to also ensure that those connections are reciprocated. In other words, that the larger PEI community is aware of and recognizes its military families. While the PEI MFRC has made huge progress in increasing awareness within the military community of the programs and services it offers, Tammy admits that there is still work to be done within the general public. 

"These families are living here, going to school here, perhaps going to another work location here...they very much belong to the PEI community landscape, and, yet, we often hear from the general public that they're surprised we have a military presence."

Therefore, part of Tammy's job is to connect with the general public and local businesses and organizations to form that bridge between military families and the general population. She notes that some of their events include the general public, for that reason, such as their annual golf tournament.

"Typically what we try to do is provide the opportunity for our members, our families, and our friends to come on out, as part of one community, so we can also build that community engagement piece as well."

And while these connections can lead to sponsorships and donations from the general community—which the PEI MFRC partly relies on for funding its programs, events, and services—the primary motivation to include the greater community stems from a desire to increase awareness of military families living on PEI.

Combating the Myths

As the PEI MFRC connects more to the community, the staff have more opportunity to dispel existing myth about the military community. 

For example, when someone outside of the military community hears that military members do go away—whether that's overseas on deployment or for various taskings across the country—they are often surprised. 

Tammy also speaks to another misconception that exists, linking military absences to long deployments: "Absences can be for many things—training, courses, a temporary work contract in another province, or, of course, for a longer deployment, and each of these specific types of absences creates challenges and needs for our military families."

To help connect those currently facing work-related absences, Tammy started organizing a dinner event. While the "Deployment Dinners" originated at a restaurant and was for those currently experiencing a deployment, these gatherings have evolved to be a more homey, potluck style, and include anyone who has ever experienced work-related absences.

Tammy finds that, often, people come to the MFRC for a specific service (e.g., an event, Morale Mail packages), but once they come, there's that added layer of connection that the PEI MFRC can both provide and facilitate in others. 

"That way, should they ever need us—for anything, including in a crisis situation—the connection and familiarity is already there."

Self-care

What keeps Tammy coming back, day after day, to assist others? For starters, it's a life she knows. 

"This is what I know. When you know something and you're passionate about something and you have something to offer...that's the draw. Sure, it can be challenging, but I find it's more rewarding than it is challenging."

Working directly with military families allows Tammy to continue doing something that began when she was a child: connecting with other military families.

"Seeing all the families smiling as they connect...hearing messages from our members when they receive Morale Mail...and seeing the joy on the faces of our families at our events—this is why I do what I do."

When she's not in the office, Tammy makes sure to set time aside to refuel so that when she is at work, she can be all-in for her families. Outside the office, Tammy finds joy in travelling, spending time with family, walking, and just enjoying whatever experience she's participating in (including her new adventure and role as "grandmother"). 

To connect with Tammy, you can email [email protected] or call 902.892.8999.