Returning Home

Coming Home: Navigating the Return to Canada for Canadian Military Families 

Returning to Canada after living in the US as a military family is a significant transition that brings both excitement and challenges. For some of you who are preparing to come home, it's important to plan and understand the adjustments you may face. This article aims to provide guidance and support as you navigate the process of returning to Canada and reintegrating into your home country.

It might seem just like another move. An easy one, moving back to Canada!  But where is home for you? Are you going to a new location or returning to a former one in Canada? Remember what you experienced when you first moved to the US? Remember all the preparation that it took too? Oh yes… how to forget? A lot of energy was spent preparing for this posting outside Canada. Although, every move requires preparation, returning home is often overlooked in terms of cultural adaptation or culture shock. While moving to the US might have been a challenge, moving back to Canada, especially after an extended time abroad can surprisingly be daunting for some.  Some authors will name that the Reverse Culture Shock. That’s when several substantial concerns will occur and can affect your psychological well-being, social readjustment and cultural identity. Being taken by surprise, when we are not actually expecting reentry stress, the challenges can be even more acute.  

Knowing is half the battle... be prepared for change.

Canada is a large country, diverse in its culture, language and values. It is surely different than the US.  If you recall your previous postings, you probably noticed that you had to adjust at different levels. Maybe the kids are now all grown up, maybe they are not returning to the same location as you are. Your family situation might as well be different when you first move out. There are different stages in life that require some adjustment. Adding up a move is most certainly demanding. So much has changed, especially during the pandemic. But also, YOU have changed. We must keep in mind that home will not be as it was before we left. Coming “home” should mean being more familiar either with places and people. Nevertheless, people and places have changed. A funny thing is that we sometimes assume that time stopped while being in the US. And that goes for both parties, people assume that we will be the exact same as well as our relationship. Frustrations can emanate when we share our experiences. It takes time to make new routines and feel settled.  

Different challenges can be:

• Returning to full-time work, especially for spouses/partners.
• The feeling of loneliness, isolation, loss of community – It can be challenging to connect with a new social network as some Canadian communities in the US were knit tight. Tons of activities were organized by your MFS Provider, and it might not be the same going back to Canada. Resources on the US base were easy to find like Commissary, medical, outdoor activities, etc.
• The American culture values the military, as much as the veterans. It is not uncommon to see military dress in uniform at the grocery or at the mall and people thanking them for their service. Not to mention the various discounts we had. You know you will probably miss that in Canada.

Everyone is different, but here is an idea of the Roller Coaster that might await you. John and Jeanne Gullahorn (1963) developed the W-curve which illustrates the reverse culture shock that can be experienced when reentering the homeland. Eight phases follow one another:

1. Love the new culture. This stage equals happiness. It’s a novelty.
2. Hate the new culture. This stage leaves you angry, and sad. For you it’s torture.
3. You learn how to live again in this new setting. This stage is okay.
4. Great accomplishment. This stage brings understanding. You will be okay.
5. You are back home now. The food! Family! Your friends! Loving life once more.
6. Home is not the same. Your loved ones are not the same.  Culture shock ensures.
7. You start to adapt. Baby steps to recover. You feel confident.
8. Life is good again. You adapt to the changes. Your loved ones do too.

To help you cope with this roller coaster, here are some tips:

• Talk about the difficulties related to transitioning back home. 
• Mark the transition in getting closure to your foreign experience.  Say “goodbye” to the US culture in order to move on.  For example, you can visit for the last time some familiar places or the “must-see” places that were on your bucket list, if you have time.  For those in Colorado, visit another time Garden of the Gods! Take pictures, and videos, and say goodbye to friends by organizing a Farewell party.  Bring some souvenirs. 
• Manage your expectations. Expecting disruption in your routines and level of comfort, being aware that things, people and you, are not the same as when you had left.   You can try to imagine what new things you might have to get used to and how different it will be.  
• Get involved in your new community.  How did you get involved in the past? Was it by joining some social or sports clubs? or being involved with the school activities with your children? You might consider continuing or starting a new hobby.  

Identify which coping strategies you will use to deal with the transition.  Here are some:

• Self-Care. Eat well, exercise and take the time to sleep. Limit your alcohol consumption to moderate amounts. 
• Stay connected. It could be with the friends you made while being OUTCAN.   Make news friends, reconnect with friends and family, and develop relationships.   You can also connect with people you have a similar experience, with who had an OUTCAN posting. 
•  Writing about your experiences and problems can help you sort through them. It is also a good idea to keep a journal of your feelings and thoughts. 
• Manage your stress.  With the move and the adjustment that it involves, pay attention to your stress level and plan time to relax, retreat and have fun. Remember that it takes time to adjust even if you are back in Canada and It is a temporary situation. Be kind to yourself.
• Transferring and modifying cues. Another way to ease the transitioning is to transfer cues or little things or routine that you were familiar and comfortable with while living in the States. It can be eating typical meals you had back there, hang some pictures of the places you visited.   
• Special Considerations for every member of the family: Coming back to Canada can be even more difficult for Partners, Kids and teens than the military member.  Keep in mind that resources are available to all. Be empathetic, and supportive to your partner, stay connected to one another and keep good and honest communication.  Working together through challenges, as a team, will likely strengthen the relationship.   For smaller children, parents can help them gain closure on their experience by visiting their favourite places and friends before leaving or having a play date and farewell party as well.  Children can also mentally prepare for the transition by making their reentry checklists. Involve them in managing their expectations and allow them to make their new home their own by allowing them to arrange their bedroom, for example. They can also transfer cues from their formal US home including souvenirs, toys and pictures to their new home.  
• The same preparation and coping strategies, described earlier, are also good for teenagers. Our children and teens might not have the same attachment as we do to Canada.  Being sensitive to their need to fit in, but also as the regular stress of teenage life is always to be considered.  Explore how they would like to be involved in the new home environment and how you can facilitate their transition in doing things they like, it could be extra-curricular activities, or joining a sport, or hobby club.  Also, consider supporting your teenagers in gaining a good sense of self-worth.  Struggling to “fit in” might not be as challenging if they know that they have intrinsic value as people.

Returning to Canada after living in the United States is no ordinary move as a military family. It is a significant life event that requires careful planning and adjustment.  Being aware of the challenges, seeking support and embracing the opportunities that await, can help you successfully reintegrate your Canadian life and create a fulfilling next chapter for you and your family. Remember to be patient, stay connected, take good care of yourself and approach this transition with an open mind and heart. Welcome back to Canada!  

If you find yourself needing to speak with someone because you are experiencing a difficult time or require assistance for a family member, please visit our Family Mental Health webpage for various resources including the MFS US Family Counsellor and the Family Information Line (FIL) at 1-800-866-4546.