This resource provides information to Canadian Armed Forces (CAF) members and families to help recognize and understand different forms of family violence and intimate partner violence. Exploring this topic can be highly sensitive and may evoke a range of emotions in some individuals. If you find yourself needing support, assistance is available to you 24/7 through the Family Information Line (English and French, free, confidential):
- North America: 1-800-866-4546
- International: 00-800-771-17722
- e-mail: FIL-LIF@cfmws.com
If you are in immediate danger, contact 911 in Canada or your local authorities for OUTCAN.
Exploring digital abuse
At its core, abuse is about power and control. Digital abuse can happen when someone uses technology to threaten, harass, embarrass, punish, or coerce another person. Digital abuse does not have to involve physical contact to be serious or harmful. Digital abuse includes actions like:
- Sending threatening or unwanted sexual messages or photos to another person,
- Sharing a current partner or ex-partner’s intimate photos online without their consent,
- Installing spyware or using someone’s social media accounts to track and monitor their location or activity,
- Demanding a partner share their online passwords to monitor their online lives, or
- Constantly texting or calling a partner and demanding the partner answers immediately, making the partner feel they cannot be separated from their phone.
When someone experiences digital abuse, they may also experience other types of abuse, like sexual abuse. For example: someone may use Artificial Intelligence to create sexual images of another person (“deep fakes”). For more information on sexual abuse, see our tip sheets “Exploring Sexual Abuse: Recognizing Signs and Resources Available” and “Supporting Youth Affected by Technology-Facilitated Sexual Violence.”
There is a difference between digital abuse and being digitally connected. Due to the unique lifestyle of military members, technology can be a very useful tool in connecting with loved ones while deployed. Sending and receiving messages, photos, and updates is a great way to keep connected when physically distanced. The importance is consent. Both partners must freely agree to what they are sending or sharing, and neither partner should pressure or coerce the other into doing something they are uncomfortable with.
Who is most at risk?
While anyone can experience digital abuse, and it can affect people of all genders, ages, sexual orientations, and backgrounds, some groups face higher risk due to systemic barriers, discrimination, and reduced access to support. For example, women and girls are more likely to experience digital abuse. More specifically, young women, Indigenous women, and 2SLGBTQI+ women are particularly at risk of digital violence, as well as gender-diverse individuals and 2SLGBTQI+ men.
Military lifestyle
In the military context, digital abuse might look like:
- A deployed member insisting their partner immediately answers their messages or send them pictures of themselves to prove that the partner is where they claim to be,
- Someone sharing intimate pictures of their current or ex-partner, without consent, with people in their unit at work,
- Someone accessing private accounts without permission while their partner is away on a deployment or tasking,
- Someone installing hidden cameras in their house to spy on their partner while they are deployed.
Digital abuse can start in small ways and gradually escalate over time. Many couples in healthy relationships share their locations/passwords or send intimate messages and photos to each other; it only becomes unhealthy when one person is being pressured into sharing or doing something they don’t want to. If you are unsure about your relationship, consider taking a moment to review the Healthy Relationships Continuum tool on our Healthy Relationships website.
While digital abuse can occur within a relationship, it can also happen after a relationship has ended. Someone may use technology or social media to harass or stalk an ex-partner, or they may share intimate photos or personal information about an ex-partner online. It is important to protect yourself online after a relationship ends by changing passwords to accounts you think may be compromised.
Understanding the impact of digital abuse
Digital abuse can cause severe physical, emotional, and financial impacts, as well as long-term mental health and physical health problems. Survivors of digital abuse may relive the harmful experience every time a hateful message or intimate photo is shared or viewed without their consent. Many survivors live with a constant fear that these messages or photos may resurface, creating a continuous cycle of abuse. Survivors of certain forms of digital abuse, for example doxxing, revealing someone’s personal information online, may experience a greater risk of physical harm after their information is made public.
Emotionally, experiencing digital abuse can lead to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It can also lower self-esteem and create feelings of deep shame, worthlessness, fear, and isolation. Digital abuse can affect survivors’ relationships, leading to further feelings of isolation and helplessness. For example, someone may post sexual images of an ex-partner online, which could then cause harm in the survivor’s current relationship; or friends and family members may believe hateful rumours that were posted online and distance themselves from the survivor.
Digital abuse can also cause financial impacts. Survivors of digital abuse may face difficulties in gaining employment due to a damaged online reputation. Survivors may also face extreme anxiety whenever an online background check is conducted, as they may be afraid of a potential employer finding personal photos or fake rumours about them online.
Seeking support
Experiencing digital abuse, or any type of abuse, can be a vulnerable and scary experience and you deserve to feel safe, respected, and supported in your relationships. Know that support is available. If you are experiencing abuse, you don’t have to make big decisions right away. Starting small, such as having one conversation, can help too.
Steps you can take to get support:
- Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or Military Family Resource Centre (MFRC) or Military Family Services (MFS) staff.
- Call the Family Information Line (FIL) for confidential support.
- Contact the Canadian Forces Member Assistance Program (CFMAP) for 24/7 telephone counselling.
- Reach out to local crisis services or shelters.
- Explore safety planning options with a trained professional or check out our “Creating a Safety Plan” tip sheet.
