Recognizing the Unique Needs of Military Families: Meet Mary Jane Neitz, RSW and Family Liaison Officer
Unlike many of her colleagues at the PEI MFRC, Mary Jane Neitz had no previous link to the military before becoming involved as the organization’s Family Liaison Officer. Her background was as a social worker working in the mental health field (specifically with children’s mental health) in another organizational capacity. She admits that stepping into this role was a learning curve (she laughs when sharing how, during those first initial days, a coworker had printed up all the military acronyms for her), but one that she is grateful for.
“Sure, I found it a bit intimidating, learning all about military culture and the various challenges and things that come along with that, but, saying that, as someone who came from a system where sometimes you can’t help someone right away, I absolutely love that at the MFRC, I have more power to directly help those who need it.”
“Part-time status,” Full-time Challenges
In her role as Family Liaison Officer, Mary Jane provides short-term counselling to mostly military families and Veterans, but she also assists military members (working in partnership with the unit padres).
“Whatever supports are needed, I’m here. I never turn anyone away.”
Over the year, Mary Jane has gotten to know many PEI military families and become more mindful of the various challenges they face. Even though the majority of military members on PEI are Reservists, Mary Jane is quick to clarify that their “part-time status” does not exempt them from many of the same ups and downs that Regular Force military families face.
“One thing I find here on PEI is a lack of awareness or understanding by the general public about how unique military families are. It’s a lot of little things. Training weekends…some deployments…always being on call…always prioritizing the job…and time away from the family that can really add up and have an impact on the family. Someone not in the military might struggle to understand why the ‘odd weekend away’ causes so much disruption, but it isn’t just that one weekend. It all adds up.”
And she’s seen it all, from anxiety and depression to navigating the healthcare system and adjusting to a new environment. Sometimes families require assistance in the form of a 5-minute phone call to Mary Jane; other times, crisis situations arise.
Although those crisis situations are not happening on a frequent basis, Mary Jane is grateful that more awareness of mental health in general has allowed her to break down some of the stigmas associated with asking for help.
“There’s definitely more emphasis placed on mental health and mental wellbeing now than ten or even five years ago, and that’s really great to see. With more awareness comes more acceptance of the type of services I provide. It also makes it easier to collaborate with a community partner, if my client requires support that I’m unable to provide.”
The Importance of Belonging
The military lifestyle can have a direct or indirect affect on family’s lives. “Sometimes, people come in for reasons they don’t think relate to their status as a military family, but then it’s brought up…as we get talking, things do pop up. There’s frequently connections made. It's common for the military to be woven into their entire lives.”
When asked what military families on PEI most need, Mary Jane is quick to state one word: connection.
“When we feel connected, our mental wellbeing improves. When we feel isolated, our mental health decreases. All of us need to feel like we belong, like we’re part of a community. With military families, this is crucial, given the uniqueness of their lifestyle. Making sure that people feel connected and included in the military community boosts a lot of people’s wellbeing and mental wellness.”
Mary Jane points out that even though PEI’s military community is well integrated with the province as a whole—PEI does not have a base so families are more spread out, and many of the military members are also juggling full-time civilian jobs—there’s a special feeling that comes from gathering together and being with people going through similar things as you are.
“They need to be with those who understand what they’re going through—whether that’s an empathetic ear during the tough times or a high five during periods of celebration.”
“Seeing” the Children of Military Families
A big part of Mary Jane’s role is working directly with children of military families.
“Their needs aren’t that different from those of their peers, really. Many are facing struggles at school, anxieties and worries, coping with parental separation, and emotion regulation. There might be some additional worries pertaining to the military member’s career and frequency of work absences, but the coping mechanisms I employ and teach them are similar to what I would use as a tool for children of non-military families.”
While their needs may be similar to those of other children, Mary Jane points out that children in military families also benefit from connecting to other military families.
“Being with other kids who lead a similar lifestyle helps them just as much as it helps adults connecting with other adults. It all adds up to feeling less alone, less different.”
Sometimes, when working with children, Mary Jane will take her show on the road, inviting the child to go for a walk with her or work on an activity together. She notes that engaging kids in an activity allows them to open up more in a natural way and helps to build trust.
“Plus, sometimes it’s just nice to get out of the office…or play a game once in a while!”
“Balance is Key”
Ask anyone who works in mental health and they’ll affirm the importance of maintaining balance between your obligations and commitments and the elements that bring you joy. Mary Jane is no exception, and she’s established regular go-tos to ensure that she remains balanced, for both her family and her clients.
Whether that’s taking her dog for a walk on the beach, diving into a good book, or spending time with her husband and children, Mary Jane knows that being present at home and at work allows her to function at her very best.
On days where the work is most challenging, she takes her 20-min drive home as a buffer, to destress before she reaches home. A lesson she learned early in her career is that while she can offer support to her clients, she can’t fix them.
“My biggest challenge is knowing my own limitations. I’ll frequently ask myself ‘Did I do enough?’ But knowing that I can’t fix people’s problems—I’m here to support their journey and provide guidance as they work through their challenges—helps me stay grounded…which I need to do in order to help the next face that walks through my door or the next voice on the other end of the phone.”
Advocating for a healthy work-life balance is a message that many have heard before, and Mary Jane is very aware that her clients’ situations can be a lot different from those of others in the general population. The advice “leave your work at work” doesn’t apply to military members who are often on call. It’s her role, then, to work with the member or family to discover ways they can find time to destress—whenever and however that looks.
“The most rewarding part of my job is the joy I feel when I see clients’ confidence levels rise as they start to make—and see the results from—changes that allows them to feel more connected to their families and just enjoy life more.”
To make an appointment with Mary Jane, you can reach her via email ([email protected]) or phone (902.892.8999).
